Parasocial Relationships

Last Monday, I had a prolonged interaction with one of my favourite students during the lunch break. I’m particularly fond of this student because of her docile nature and dulcet tones —a very sweet girl who often smiles, makes good eye contact and nods in agreement when I give lectures, the kind of girl who motivates teachers just by their presence in the class. She’s never late to any classes, always ensures that her notes are complete, submits her assignments on time and finds time to engage in extracurricular activities as well. She’s an ambivert, and I admire her ability to find a balance between socialising and solitude. In social settings, she makes sure that you enjoy her company by asking insightful questions and when she’s alone, she often listens to podcasts. Her name is Agatha, and just like her name suggests, she is a ‘good’ girl.

Lately, things changed. It is a new semester and I saw Agatha after a break. When she saw me standing in the passage, she waved from afar and smiled softly. I instantly recognized that something was off; usually, she approaches me and engages in a small talk. During lectures, I found her struggling to divide her attention between listening to me and scrolling through her phone. I couldn’t believe my eyes as Agatha was one among the students who used to turn off the internet and keep the phone in silent mode during classes. I couldn’t believe that she changed so much within a span of a few months. Her eye contact had diminished, her nodding disappeared and when she was unable to finish writing the notes, her face was overcome with guilt. During intervals, I saw her surrounded by her friends, yet she wore a melancholic look on her face as if she felt lonesome among them. She gave monosyllabic responses to the questions of her friends and even refused to hang out with them just to stay back in the class to stare at her phone. Her transition was alarming. Though I was bothered by her attitude, I decided not to ask her anything about it for a few days.

On Monday, I returned to the class a little early to read some Ruskin Bond stories after having a sumptuous lunch. This is one of my rituals: when students step outside the classroom to have lunch, I go inside. It feels ineffably satisfying to be in an empty classroom reading an amazing book. But to my surprise, Agatha was there, all alone, drooping her head over her phone. 

“Had lunch, Agatha?” I asked.

She was startled and suddenly replied, “No, I’m not feeling hungry.” She gave a quick gaze at the book I was holding in my hand and resumed typing on her phone.

“Are you busy? Do you want to talk?” I asked

“Oh, it’s nothing, I’m free. How are things going with you? Did you finish reading ‘Persuasion’?” She looked at me instead of the phone for a few seconds. 

I was relieved to hear a question from her. I said, “I had a very busy week, I started taking classes for your juniors. And yes, I completed reading Persuasion, it was a typical Jane Austen read, all about the complexities of societal expectations. And, have you come across any interesting podcasts lately?”

“Not really, but I found a few super cool friends on Instagram during the Sem break.” She said this and started showing their profiles on her phone. There were around ten people, but she was quite fond of Kaira, Jenny and Zerah. 

They were all social media influencers and I was beyond surprised by her reference to them as “friends.” We continued the conversation and I realised that she actively likes all of their photos and reels, puts lengthy comments under each of their posts expressing her love for their content, and even sends them cheesy personal messages. 

“So Agatha, why do you adore these people whom you haven’t even met?” I asked.

“There are so many reasons, you know? Like, they’re super relatable—we have shared experiences and similar interests. For instance, Jenny spills about her personal challenges and how she overcame them. I can totally relate to all of that. And Kaira? She’s got these amazing qualities, and her lifestyle omg, is goals. Honestly, her success story is a total inspiration for me. So, yeah, they’re basically my friends now.”

“Friends huh, do they know you?” I asked. 

She started stammering, “Well, you know, they love their fans, and you know, they’re doing all of this for them.”

“Do they know you? Your favourite podcasts, your cherished memories, your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes—do they have a clue? Do they even know that your name is Agatha?” I asked.

She remained silent.

“Agatha, these are just parasocial relationships—mere one-sided connections people form with celebrities due to a sense of familiarity or admiration. You feel this connection because you get regular updates on their lives from social media. But truth be told, it’s just an imagined connection. They don’t even know your name and they won’t fulfil your emotional needs as real friends can. You’ve got real friends who know and care about you; don’t ignore them just to comment and like the photos of these imaginary friends.” I said. 

She lowered her head when I finished talking. Some students barged into the class with a packet of sweet potato chips and started supplying it to all of us. To my surprise, Agatha kept her phone away. After munching some chips along with her friends she went outside the class. Around 15 minutes later she came back and took a seat beside me. 

“I thought about what you said,” she told me with a smile.

“And, was I right, Agatha?” I asked.

“Yeah, you were. I thought about it. I became so obsessed with these influencers and now I feel isolated from my friends, I got addicted to Instagram to the point that I cannot even listen to lectures properly. I even started comparing my life to theirs and started feeling dissatisfied with what I have. Who knew that it was going to affect me so much? I just reinstalled Insta during my semester break to stop feeling bored.” she said this and sighed.

“I’m glad that you understood the impact, you know what you should do next.” I said.

“Thank you for being honest with me.” she said. I smiled, patted her and opened my book to read. Unfortunately, the bell rang. 

In the afternoon session, Agatha sat on the first bench, kept her phone inside her bag and paid complete attention throughout the class. You know that feeling you get when you realise that you made a difference in someone’s life? It’s akin to seeing a seed of wisdom blossom into a vibrant bloom in someone’s heart. It’s such a good feeling. 

*Parasocial relationship: With the rise of social media and online content consumption, parasocial relationships have become more common. A parasocial relationship is a psychological bond that individuals establish with media figures, celebrities, or fictional characters. In this relationship, one party, typically the audience or fan, develops a sense of connection and attachment to the persona presented in the media, while the other party, such as the celebrity, is unaware of the individual’s existence. People seek relatability and connection, and celebrities often share personal aspects of their lives, making fans feel more connected to them. Excessive engagement in parasocial relationships might lead to neglect of real-life social interactions, contributing to feelings of isolation.

Melanie Ann George 🌻